Figgins Meets Vampires 2
by Chiddie
Summary: Written for Unholy Trinity Week Day 3. So remember when Tina scared the living beejezus out of Figgins? Well, the trio are following in her footsteps.


**A/N: **Honestly, I was hardpressed coming up for a story for this theme, so yeah, not really my best work.

* * *

"What the fuck? Mr Schue, not again! Regionals is in two weeks!"

Brittany watches the discontent in every part of the room, and looks at Mr Schue just as he sighs.

"I know Santana, but there's nothing I can do about it. Looks like we have to use April's roller rink again."

The entire club groans, but Brittany makes eye contact with Santana and Quinn.

Looks like it's up to them.

* * *

"Fangs?"

"Check."

"Capes?"

"Check."

"My black fuck-me boots?"

"San, I hope you're not asking Figgins to have his way with you. You're my girlfriend, remember?"

Brittany smiles as Quinn laughs and Santana's face scrunches up in disgust.

"God B, I don't even want to think about it. Remember what Coach Sue said about his chest hair."

It was Brittany's turn to gag. She even remembers the picture.

"Okay, okay. Why didn't we get Tina into this?"

"Girl Chang? Cause she's pretty much all sunshine and shit now. Sort of miss the vampire queen, actually. Q? You're pretty quiet."

"What? Uh—"

Quinn holds up a pair of black nylon stockings.

"—do we really have to wear this?"

Santana nods.

"Pretty sure Chang used to wear it back in the day."

Quinn sighs.

"So the plan's to ambush Figgins after school, intimidate him to make him give us back the auditorium, that's it. Why the hell are we going as vampires?"

"Yeah, San?"

"Lucy Liu told me that's how she got Figgins to allow her to wear goth stuff back when we did those Gaga numbers. What? We had a lot of time making up _Trouty Mouth_, okay?"

* * *

It's seven pm, several hours after the end of classes, but his wife threw him out again after his tongue slipped and he told her that the curry was too spicy.

He sighs.

Figgins twists and turns on the mattress he confiscated from William two years ago, and waits for sleep to fall on him. He waits for several minutes until he realizes that something's stopping him from going to Slumberland. He stands up and walks out of his office, looking for a bathroom to relieve himself. He wonders why the comfort rooms are so far away from his office.

* * *

It's very, for want of a better word, _creepy _in McKinley at night. The tinkle of his urine as it hits porcelain echoes throughout the room. Maybe he should have let Kidney the Janitor stay here with him…on the other hand, he thinks it's better this way.

Figgins pulls up his Hanumanman pajamas and walks back to his office. Why is the comfort room so far away? Figgins feels the hair at the back of his neck rise.

Keep it together, Figgins. Those flashes of black you saw, they are all images conjured by your paranoid mind. Next time, never insult your wife's cooking.

Just one more turn to your office Figgins, and several hours til the school fills with the noise of rowdy teen hooligans.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Figgins heart stops as he stares at three caped figures. Their fangs are bared, and they look unnaturally like part of Sylvester's spawn.

The Latina girl, the one who has always intimidated Figgins even before, takes a step towards him. With her sharp canines and clothes that look like death, it feels like she has just risen out of Figgins worst nightmares.

"Listen up, if you may, Figgins."

Her voice is raspy, probably from the strain of using soundwaves to find her way as a bat.

"Quinn, me, and Britts over here—"

Figgins watches as the tallest one waves her hand, as if conjuring a harmful spell on him. He cowers in his slippers.

"—we have the power to suck you dryer than the Sahara desert. And we're talking about your blood here. You see, remember Cohen-chang?"

Figgins recalls a similar encounter, back when he banned the Asian girl from wearing her outfits. He nods.

"Yeah. Well, you must have noticed that she's all bright and sunny and shit. Her dad, the vampire king of China, he got real disappointed when that happened, so he chose us to take over as his right hand women, and now all of us are like the most powerful vampires in America. Edward Cullen gots nothing on us, comprende?"

Figgins nods.

"So like, we're pretty annoyed at you closing down the audi, and if we don't get it back by this Friday, well, Q's been practicing ways on puncturing the carotid artery, which, if you don't know Figgins, is here—"

He feels short, sharp nails scrape the side of his neck.

"—and that's a pretty important vessel. What do you say Figgins?"

He eyes the vampire with short hair, as she tests the sharpness of her fangs. He gulps. Taking in a shaky breath, he nods.

"Good."

Suddenly, the lights close.

He runs to his office as fast as he can.

* * *

The trio walk into the choir room, just as Mr Schue announces something to the rest of the club.

"Quinn, Santana, Brittany, take a seat. I was just about to announce to you guys that we're getting the auditorium back!"

The room is full of cheers, but the Unholy Trinity smile smugly to themselves.

"You think we should go visit him tonight, just to remind him," Santana whispers.

"I think we've scared him out of McKinley, Santana."

"At least you tried, babe."

1


End file.
